Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
