There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
