Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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