Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
