Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
