if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
