My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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