shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
