I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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