dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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