I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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