I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
