So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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