i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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