One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
