I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
