Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
