i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
