I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
