woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am naked and annoyed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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