but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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