No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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