she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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