She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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