Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
