you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude. I can hear the air.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
