so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
