i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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