But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
