i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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