I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
