If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
