Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
