There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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