my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
