Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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