i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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