a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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