haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
