so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
