I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
