apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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