Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
