So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
