when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
