I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
