I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
