Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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