Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
