I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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