Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What a dumb baby whore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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