ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
