does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
