Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
