I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
