I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize