You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's Friday. Sex?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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