he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
