Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
