i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
