Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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