he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
