I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
