hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Actions speak louder than pants.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
