The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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