Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
