The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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