I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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