does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm too high and old for this...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
