i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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