So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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