Pants 0. Shit 1.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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