I'm really into asian looking animals
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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