I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
